A few years back when I decided to start my brood (kid in normal parlance), I was a young, confident career-person. It was an event I'd planned to be "in control" of (like a difficult project to be steered onto a smooth course!). I used to contemplate whether I should take a maternity break for three months or go in for the extra one month as well!
Reality had its own plan for me. :)
At first, my hectic work hours and stressful days seemed to delay conception. It was frustrating and I had started getting the looks from old friends and family. Everyone around me seemed to be having healthy happy babies, everyone except me. Finally, I decided to quit working and as if that was the signal the universe was waiting for (to test my commitment to the "cause"), I conceived.
During my journey from first time preggers to first time mom, I have come across several myths which were just that - myths. Here they are, these experiences totally liberated me!
Myth 1 - Pregnant women are vulnerable and weak - need to take lots of care and rest
Reality 1 - I was in better health than I'd been in a long time!
The happy hormones, conscious choice of healthy food and exercise (cat stretches really) helped.
(As a regular practitioner of the Art of Living Kriya and Yoga, I was already at a certain comfort level with my health, but it is a choice available to ALL of us, not necessarily just pregnant mothers-to-be or mythical "spiritual seekers" ;).)
Another piece of advice that my good friend Nidhi had given, was not to work DURING pregnancy. I was able to let go of a lot of stress that is intrinsic to our daily grind and had a peaceful, quiet and happy child to prove that the advice was right! Rishi was the most well behaved baby when he was born, not a murmur in the nights, having a healthy appetite, a dream come true. (Finances? Frugality is highly under-rated!)
So pregnancy was actually a time to indulge myself and put in motion a series of healthy habits that would hold me in good stead in the times to come!
Myth 2 - All babies cry, they are messy and a headache you have to bear through the initial months
Reality 2 - Not at all!
(Babies exposed to constant stress before being born are a different story though!)
I was happy, content and centered during pregnancy, attuned to my self and to nature. I realized that pregnancy is a deeply spiritual experience. You and your child bond in a way no two humans can. The miracle of life and the fact that you are capable of bringing it forth in this world are both utterly humbling experiences.
I'll let you in on a secret. God has a special connect with mothers. Reach out to him for help when you're in despair on what next, and magically things will start falling in place. Keep the faith!
Babies are a delight, believe that and yours will turn out to be one too. :)
Rishi's first few months were the most delightful. I was a hands-on mom by choice, and the daily activities of feeding, cleaning and taking care of him were refreshing and allowed me to bond with my child as no other experience can. Taking on the responsibility of bathing him and cutting his nails (the two things I was MOST scared off), helped me develop a lasting confidence in my ability to take care of him. I also learnt to rely on my "mothers instinct", much more than on worldly advice and articles on the net (you just know what is right for your child).
Babies cry only because - they're hungry or wet or ill. The first two are easy to take care of, the third has a magical cure that all mothers are equipped with - breast-milk
Myth 3 - Parents are a tortured lot, no late nights, parties, drinking binges - in short bye-bye life
Reality 3 - If the above is a description of what "life" is, yes it changes. But wait, here's the surprise, it changes for the "better".
Suddenly, your life choices center around what is best for the baby. It is also a responsibility that needs to be "shared" by mom-dad and family so that no one person feels burdened. You suddenly start loving and respecting your own parents and in-laws so much more because of the care you and your spouse would have received as children. It is a time when a big chunk of your ego gets washed away (you have to learn to let go) and you see the world with new eyes.
Combined with your post-pregnancy blues, this can be a pretty exhausting experience, but it strengthens you to the core. The only sane way to get through the birthing pangs of being a parent is to learn to trust the universe and the love that surrounds you in the form of your family and friends. :)
Ask any parent if they would trade in the new found love and responsibility for the earlier carefree life and the answer is obvious. All the heartache, troubles(!) and hard work of having a kid around is more than compensated by their gurgles, laughter and joy that warms your heart when you look into their happy faces. Becoming a parent is a second chance given to you in life - to become the best possible version of yourself.
The decision to be a parent is a roller coaster ride but the crests will far outweigh the troughs and when you're old and rickety, you will remember all the moments spent with your children, as rays of sunshine.
And then you can look forward to having grandkids! That's a story for another time though! ;)
Take care!
Manisha
