The Big Fat Indian Woman!

I've been trying to lose weight but my mom's delicious turnouts at the table have so far delayed my progress degress!

It made me ponder on why did I want to lose the weight? Frankly, except for the difficulty in moving around (my kids are like whizzing dragon-flies I can't swat as much as I would want to), I'm quite content with the way I look. Gone are the lanky days when I could give the models a run for their money (I could run right? so...) ;) The advent of pregnancy and two adorable kids did leave a lot more of me to love. But I've never felt more confident and sexy. I like myself - a lot!

This post then, is a tribute to some wonderful full-bodied women I know.

My grandmom was plump and so is my mom - but boy, can they work! They were like whirring dust machines who would cook, clean, mop, raise decent kids like me (aw cmon, am allowed to lie on my blog) and be as cool as a cucumber while at it. Whoa!

Then there is this cousin of mine. She's a looker (not the pretty housewife kind, I mean real gorgeous smile, twinkling eyes and a sharp mind and wit!). I admire her for being a career woman, a considerate daughter-in-law, a loving wife and a doting mother. Spend a few minutes with her and you can only remember her infectious laughter. No wonder she's so popular among her friends. The weight, what weight?

I had two ex bosses who were plump and gorgeous.

The first one I'm still close too. She was a yoga aficionado once upon a time but we only remember the mother hen version of her. Patient, soft spoken, calm, considerate, someone you would want to run to in case you felt like sobbing, and for all those reasons, an extremely popular boss at work! She was my mentor and the type I would want to be if I ever get to be a boss to anyone (other than hubby dear) ;)

The second one was pretty well spread too. You would scream obese (please, only in your mind ok?) when you first look at her but hold on, she just had to start speaking and you were mesmerized. She does not possess exceptional features either but boy, is she pretty? It's just the whole package that makes you swoon. Clients would literally be eating out of her hands in one meeting, and not just because of the grace and poise she carried herself with, but because of the brilliant mind she has as well! Yes-sir - a winner all the way.

There's this senior teacher in our art of living fraternity. She's recently joined one of our whatsapp groups for reaching out to schools in Mumbai. Single-handedly, this plump powerhouse has conducted more outreach programs and course generation than some of us in the entire span of our lives!

There was this senior I had at school who could dance with such grace and aplomb, that it was a given our team would win every dance competition she thundered into.

Saroj Khan - she defined modern Bollywood dancing, Farah Khan - the first successful mainstream female director in B-land, Jayalalitha - here not just for throwing weight around, but probably the first female politician who made it in the male dominated world of dirty politics. Am sure there are plenty of others you may know of as well.

Heavyset women who are wonderful instead of being wishy washy, women who are pioneers and are breaking barriers. Their weight has never stopped them from being these brilliant, attractive and solid epitomes of womanhood.

Question then - why should I?

Diet cancelled, mom - who moved my kheer (slurp!)
;)

Being Difficult

I've been labelled as "difficult" by a lot of associates (and a few family members as well) :)

It is amusing for me as I view myself as being persistent rather than stubborn, and having more faith in my judgement than being rigid. 

I am also good at connecting with other "difficult" people because I understand where they are coming from. I was good at handling difficult clients or bosses because I could view them beyond their bad behavior; as people with a higher yardstick than most.

I don't want to confuse difficult with miserable (that's a whole different set of people, whose sole aim in life is to create more misery in their lives as well as others). 

Difficult is that teacher who will keep sending you back until you get it right, that colleague who will keep giving you pain, if needed, for all the reports and information he needs to turn out a well rounded synopsis on challenges and opportunities in a given situation, is that boss who may be viewed as exceedingly hard to work with, because she views it a personal responsibility to give the client what he needs rather than wants! Difficult is the parent who will not make it easy for his child, the gym trainer who will not let you rest so that you can achieve your personal aim of losing weight or getting fit, that friend who will give you a piece of his mind when you're acting like a jerk because he cares or simply, a child who needs you to really "listen" because he has something important to tell you, like "I love you mom".

Difficult people have enriched my life, they may be hard to please teachers but the learning or take away is tremendous. And if you've been an attentive student, colleague, subordinate or parent, you will be rewarded with unflinching loyalty, the stuff legends are made of. :)

The next time you run into a poor lil difficult soul, give him a ear and some heartfelt affection and you may be showered with generosity and gratitude, the kind you may have only dreamed of. 

Go ahead, make someone's day and tell them, it's ok, I like/love you for the way you are...

God bless you, keep shining happy people!

Mother's Day

I have had a few realizations about motherhood after having kids of my own:

1. Motherhood and Careers require different personas:
While one needs you to be nurturing, caring, compassionate and generous to a fault, the other requires ruthless focus and determination bordering on perfectionism; which is why some women make great mothers and some great career women.
Having a child or a career or both is an extremely personal decision and can only be made by the person in question (not even the husband's help /interference/ help required. Husbands have an equally important role in supporting the decision made) :)

2. Never ask a mother why she "gave up" her career:
She did not, she gave birth to another.
Bringing up a child takes up all of one's energy, time, patience and then some more

3. Don't write off mothers:
"I'm a home-maker" will, most of the time, get you labeled "not of use", as in cannot work, cannot contribute to society,cannot bring in household income etc. etc.
She is busy shaping the next generation so never underestimate her power or position

Do we really need a day to let mothers know they are special? 
I don't agree. It will be the day realization dawns about how important her work is. It will be when corporate policy will no longer view maternity leave and benefits as a "necessary evil" but work towards integrating the potential of millions of wonderfully talented mom-workers in a mutually beneficial fashion. It will be when our society matures and becomes sensitive to the fact that a mother shapes our world, one child at a time. When the family acknowledges the many sacrifices made on a personal level to give birth and bring up the next generation. 

Becoming a mother takes a lot of growing up, an irreversible occurrence where you are responsible for another life (perhaps forever), when the definition of FUN will change, again forever. You may never fit into your clothes, ambitions or lifestyle again and surprisingly you may not regret this choice! There is the same vivacious, fun-loving person somewhere inside, she's just inundated with the nitty gritty of becoming a parent. That takes a lot of courage and compassion and deserves respect. 

When YOU realize that a mother may not be perfect but she is perfect, that is when YOU will truly celebrate a Mother's Day.

Keep shining moms!

Just Enough

When I was an under-graduate, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.Those days I had attended the wedding of a friend who was getting married to this exceptionally pretty young girl. He wasn't great in the looks or the brains department so I couldn't fathom what attracted her at all (It was probably a coincidence that he belonged to a well to do family). Within a year of marriage, she had delivered a baby and I was shocked...shocked because I thought her life was over, I mean what is there to look forward to now that she was already a mother (and at such a young age!). I knew then what I did not want. I did not want to live a check-list life. My ambition was simple - I wanted to be happy, not too less nor too much - just enough.

A few years later, I was pursuing my post-graduation in Pune. My cousin brother and I reconnected there when he landed a job in Pune. He had a fabulous bunch of friends, much more interesting and intellectual than my colleagues at college. I preferred hanging out with them instead. Those guys n gals were something else, they were ambitious and quite certain of what they wanted in life. Alas, even if slightly different, they too had a check-list of to-do's ready for life. I knew again what I did not want. I was content living a spontaneous life instead - not too less nor too much - just enough.

Two things happened as a result of this. One - I never found love, wondering sometimes if I ever will. Two - I met a friend of bhaiya who was the total opposite of what I am. He exuded a quiet dignity and was probably the most thoughtful, sensitive and patient individual in the lot of good-looking, young, over the top bunch of friends we shared. I did not even realize it was love till the day we were sending him off at the station when he was leaving the city for good, for a new job. I couldn't understand why my tears would not stop or why my heart was crushed. An old soul in our friend circle gave me a hug and quietly said - don't worry, he'll come back.

He did, a month later, to meet me. What was left unsaid, was sealed in a look. There would be no other. We started a long-distance court-ship to test whether what we felt was a fleeting infatuation or something deeper. After 4 years of knowing each other, we told our families and were engaged and very soon married. It has been 10 years since then. I still live a spontaneous life while his is a check-list. We still are complete opposites of each other. I'm still clueless about what I want in life but I'm happy - not too less nor too much - just enough, and I pray that is how it remains :)